To the Wonder

I think: ‘have I died, gone to heaven?’ I realise … no, I am in a Terence Malick film, and it isn’t Badlands … and isn’t The Thin Red Line … and OH GOD –

HELP

HELP

This is, that was, To the Wonder. I watched the first fifteen minutes of a perverted American Dream. A de-souled loafer of slick misogyny.  Terrence, what happened? I loved your films for so many years. Badlands got me through a particularly nasty weekend, I remember.
        I have never written in capitals before. This is, this was, like waking up and feeling so at home, so completely relaxed and so content until I realise this is not my house, this is a hotel in Milton Keynes, a flat I don’t know where (although that can also keep becoming better.)
        Why did I buy this film? How can I get rid of it?
        Now I will watch Cléo de 5 a 7, which I know and love. An antidote
       And I don’t believe in God, although some things nearly drive me there.

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