Denial

Denial leaves people saying all kinds of things: the right thing, the wrong thing. When denial, a fundamental emotional disconnection between me and not me, occurs … anything goes. A person carries on acting as if whatever’s not them isn’t really there; and the world of not them languishes or prospers from the effects of what they do, but only co-incidentally. A coincidence becomes the only real point of coming together. Outside of coincidence, the world outside is kept magically apart – when of course it isn’t. Denial’s a recipe for disaster, another holocaust, a cold world in flames.

Telepathy (Micromanifesto No. 3)

I’m dumbfounded when I hear people dismiss telepathy. Freud was very probably a believer. I know many people who’ve spent a lot of their life around people struggling to find words for something that’s often beyond words have a sense that a thought can pass between two people without either of them being particularly conscious of it. In my training as a psychotherapist it was called projective identification, transference, counter-transference … You may know it simply as a feeling you get when you’re with someone ‘noisily quiet’, and after having that feeling something pops into your head and you can’t think where it came from. Look across at your silent friend. Maybe you get a strange sense that she or he is straining to tell you something. You may be about to receive a telepathic message (far more fun than a text, I can tell you, although there’s something uncannily telepathic about what a text message suggests that it doesn’t actually say). So what can I say about telepathy that isn’t too X-Files (although I used to like the X-Files) and doesn’t get too Melanie Klein?

Telepathy

  1. You won’t find this mentioned on the UKCP or BACP web site but it’s possibly a way of thinking about something that most psychoanalytic psychotherapists engage with every day.
  2. Strangely being in synch with someone relies on more than guessing. How much of your relationship is telepathic?
  3. It can all go terribly wrong if you don’t take a lot of time to get to know yourself. Instead of receiving you project: you see someone through the lens of your own emotional circus (like feeling really glum, going to work and thinking ‘God, what a sad bunch’).
  4. Telepathy isn’t mind-reading. It’s picking up on an unspoken message using my mind, without getting anywhere near the inside of another person’s head.
  5. Narcissists are not telepathic, they just think they know better than anyone else. Don’t let one fool you that she or he can read your mind. There are some very good mind-guessers.

What is Love?

I can offer a few thoughts that might help, but it depends how you’re listening. What’s love? It isn’t so much that nobody knows; more a matter of everybody knowing without realising they do.
     A lot of people asking questions about love are looking to confirm something they already believe, or feel strongly about, without realising it. Tell them something about love they disagree with and they’ll dismiss you out of hand, or shoot whatever you’re saying down before it barely gets off the ground. Love is a hell of a feeling. Continue reading “What is Love?”

Beautiful, I Don’t Know and Love

I’m not sure what’s beautiful, but I appreciate it. What appeals to my senses might not appeal to yours, but I can’t be certain. The attraction I find to certain figures in the world … is it the degree of uncertainty that really draws my attention? The ‘who or what’s this?’ rather than the ‘that is’? Certainty makes me less interested, perhaps, because it’s an insistent lie. I can’t be certain. I lose interest in whatever I can’t trust; and I know I can’t be certain. Continue reading “Beautiful, I Don’t Know and Love”

Secrets

Perhaps you like keeping things to yourself. It may be that you feel life will spin out of control if you talk about it too much, or that you might jinx it, spoil it or take the fun out of it. Sometimes these things can be true but be careful about holding onto secrets. If people around you detect something about you is unknowable they’ll find it very hard to trust you.  Relationships need trust if they’re to offer us the things we hope they can contain.